Tristan has gotten into a bad habit of hitting when he’s angry or frustrated.  Unfortunately, this is a difficult one to deal with.  I’m sure every kid goes through the phase where they need to be taught one way or another to not hit, or just mature enough to get the hell over it.

Thankfully, he’s limiting the hitting to me and his therapists.  He’s not trying to slap dad around, and he’s still very easygoing with other children (after all, other kids don’t make him mad – he just goes around them).  However, because I’m a bit at war with this topic, I’m not having the easiest time just getting to the root of the behavior and nipping it in the bud.

Traditional parenting would say that a child who hits a parent needs punishment.  Attachment parenting would say that a child who hits a parent needs love and redirection.  I suppose my personal opinion comes somewhere in the middle – I don’t want to spank (because I get very angry, because hitting begets hitting, and because it’s not a nice way people who love each other treat each other), I don’t think time-outs help him, and since I get very angry, I have a hard time keeping a level head and delivering a consistent response.  Actually, I know that the best remedy for it is to deliver a consistent NONresponse, but my “traditional” upbringing leaves me with the remnants or how I’m expected to teach my disrespectful child to BEHAVE.

This is a major point – not sure if it’s because of the autism, but traditional parenting techniques do NOT work with Tristan.  Oh, I’m sure that if you make him swallow enough metaphorical bitterness that he will eat what food he is served and behave with perfect manners, but he’d be a really angry kid.  I’m sure if we battle all day, every day, I can stop the hitting and instill an aversion to hitting a parent.  But I need to remember to do it more like how I’d ask Samurai puppy not to jump on me, instead of viewing it as a breach of “respect protocol.”  I need to deliver a consistent nonresponse.  In doggie terms, that would include standing still, looking away, and resuming attention when the shitty behavior stopped.  Now I need strength to stay calm enough to do that with my kid when he brings out the slappy paws.

Tristan will now say “Tis-tuh” or “Tis-TEN” depending on how we prompt him (I was asking him to say the number “ten” to help with pronunciation) to say his name.  He’s not just “baby” anymore – he is permitted to grow up.  Wheee!

Food time is still going well. We practice some spoon feeding, he allows me to spoon feed him, and he is well-behaved with the suckable pouches. Tristan still would rather drink milk instead of eat; I am not very upset about this as most moms of babies his age say their babies don’t want any or enough milk. He still regularly receives sippy cups and bottles, but I have to jam something in next to him in his high chair so he does not turn sippy cups upside down and soak his pants with milk or juice. The general guideline lately is that he gets a sippy cup in the high chair and a bottle when he gets a drink anywhere else. We will have to work on that one, as we recognize that he’s using the bottles for comfort and we sometimes take advantage of that. At least he’s stopped screaming bloody murder for his milk, for the most part, but that’s also because at home we’ve started to prefill containers and grab them from the fridge.

Tristan seems to have passed the “up up up” phase. Not sure what his next repetitive utterings will be.

For a month or so, we were able to mess around with Tristan’s naps and he’d take them whenever it was necessary, whether that ended up being a one or a two nap day. Suddenly, several days ago, he began sleeping in until 8:30 and sometimes 9 (much improved over the 7!), taking only one nap for about two hours, and going to bed around 10. This actually makes a lot of sense once we get it honed. We’ve still been trying to put him down for an evening nap for the past few days as well when he appeared tired, and he just did not fall asleep – instead, he played nicely for at least half an hour and then got upset. We’d get him from the crib and go out to a store somewhere, and he was in a perfectly fine mood. Then he’d go to sleep for that wonderful stretch. So I suppose tonight we may try to skip attempting an evening nap and just let him snore around 10, which gives us approximately twenty minutes to mess around online before I pass out.

Of language, that is!  Although in this household, that’s not the only possibility.  Tristan can say THREE syllable words very recognizably now.  His pronunciation is improving in general.  He’s starting to label colored objects by color, and is learning so many more labels for objects.  He is REALLY starting to understand that people all have labels – their names.  He’s a lot more confident in his speech and will imitate just about anything, even if he’s going to garble it up.  That last part is fairly recent – for the most part, he just wouldn’t try to say it if he knew he’d fail.

The cutest word I can recall hearing him say lately is “tomato.”  Granted, hearing a 2.5 year old say “tomato” is usually old news; I met a kid one month older than Tristan last night in the toy store who was telling me about how he was Superman and he sounded like a kid rather than a toddler.  But that’s just it – Tristan has such a cute little voice, likely because he takes such delight in talking and getting it right.  His “tomato” sounds like “toe-MAY-toe!” – complete with exclamation point.  He’s still working on “potato,” but..

Tristan can say CIRCLE properly!  NO MORE “GA!”  Well, he says “ga” automatically and then thinks to say “circle.”  He’s also saying “happy” properly – that one he used to pronounce as “hah-ee.”  He learned the word “puppy” recently – and can apply it to the puppy, wheee! – and we used print to help him understand how to say “happy” with the Ps in place.

I really love that I can demonstrate a word for him in print and it helps him to understand it, at this tender young age.  It helps a lot when he doesn’t understand a lot of the spoken instructions a typical kid his age does.

Without the print, he’s still picking up so much.  Tristan’s ABA therapy sessions have included “labels” – they ask him to touch a particular card with a picture.  I very rarely see him get it wrong these days, even as they are just teaching what the picture should be called.  Not too long ago he would only get very familiar objects correct.  I also think his pronunciation has been aided by an exercise they’re working with him on including Kaufman Cards.  (The link includes pictures of some of the cards.)  The child is asked to say something based on the picture and you go down the list until you get a derivative the child can say, and the derivatives are based on the way kids typically learn to say these words.  A crafty person could probably make them; they are expensive, but seeing Tristan perk up languagewise like he has would retroactively make me spend that kind of money on them (which is not relevant to us right now, as we have a set on loan, but if this is something you are concerned about in your child, it could be a good investment).

For about a month, we’ve been trying to work on “not everybody is mommy or baby.”  He balks on “daddy” some but is getting much better.. however, even yesterday when I labeled two figures as “daddy” and “baby” he repeated it back as “mommy” and “baby.”  He’s trying really hard to say the names of just about anyone that I prompt him to try, and he’s particularly interested in the names “Mia” and “Emma” – two of his friends.. well, he does have several friends named Emma since just about everybody uses the name Emma, but we usually see them one at a time and in their own context.  Technically, he can say my name as he can say “kiwi” – I find this amusing since he’s quite willing to say “mommy” but he has another word he says well that technically could refer to me.

In closing, I will digress.  We met another child who likely had autism last night, right around the same age as Tristan (not the Superman kid from the earlier paragraph, but during the same mall trip).  Unfortunately, that kid bolted far in the other direction before we could get any contact info, interspersed with Tristan bolting whenever the other kid was retrieved. so we did not.  I’m really disappointed because I’d have loved to have them play together.  The dad reminded me of us in a few ways – aware of the challenges and still having fun with the baby.

Tristan is in the midst of a language explosion.  He’s learning a shitload of labels associated with objects and he’s busting out with the most adorable and surprising speech.  Some of the more notable things Tristan is saying include: apple, all done, purple, peach, puppy, please, and moon.

There is an apple on the iPad that Tristan has learned to entertain himself with since Christmas.  He gets quite excited and says the word apple when he sees it.  He also announces that real and photographed apples are in fact, apples.  I don’t expect him to put one in his mouth and eat it until he sees me do it, but it’s awesome that he knows what it is.  Especially since he’s probably seen about three up close in his lifetime.

Samurai is finally a puppy and not a cat.  This suits us, as we actually refer to him as a puppy rather than a dog.

And Tristan finally has a word to request something that he developed on his own and isn’t prompted for.  “Apple” has become a word for the iPad, due to the aforementioned logo on said case.  This is a major milestone!

Tristan puked tonight for what I believe is the first time since he was a spitty little infant.  Hopefully it was just an ick reaction to guacamole chips or overconsumption of teething saliva. [Update several days later: was just that once and he seemed to be just fine.]

In less yucky news, Tristan’s been adding numbers to his list of obsessions and is practicing them often.  He can count to 10, although he doesn’t do it properly yet.  He’s saying 1 as “e” or “uh” and it’s difficult to tell that he’s counting until he continues past 3.  But he counts stairs as he walks up and down them, and he counts objects randomly.. it’s really cute.  He’s quite enthusiastic about numbers, just like he is about letters.

And speaking of letters, he recognizes all of them, uppercase and lowercase as well as some font variations on the lowercase letter a.  He will speak all of them clearly or pretty damn recognizably except for G, J, and W (he quit saying “ub” for W and just won’t try to say anything at all for it) and sometimes he forgets how to say R.  He’s getting pretty fast at singing along to the ABC song and he recognizes (and is ok with) the several different melodies that can be paired with it.  He’s not fast enough to do the “LMNOP” part and tongue-trips a bit, but I bet that in a few weeks he’ll have that sorted right out.

He recognizes and will indicate body parts!  The first one we noticed he’d answer correctly was his bellybutton, the second one was his penis, and then he learned his face for the most part and I believe his arm as well.

When asked, “Who is this?” he will answer with either “mommy” or “baby” depending on whether it’s an adult or child.  The past day or so he’s been just answering “mommy, baby” as well.  He knows how to say “daddy” (he can read it, and is more willing to say it when he sees it in print) but is stumbling over his willingness to say the phonetic D sound, so he won’t say it and just says “mommy” when pointing to daddy.

He’s getting very sure of himself on the stairs unassisted as long as it’s a small staircase.  He can tell I’m still nervous about big staircases or him being unattended by an “oh shit, my baby is falling” catcher, and he either humors my paranoia and is careful, or is affected by it.  Either way, a sense of danger is very useful in that it helps me trust that he knows how to keep himself alive.

We’ve been semi-successfully able to use a “no” command to get Tristan to stay away from stuff he shouldn’t touch or do.  This success is waning as his ability to say and understand the word “no” increases.  Instead of veering away, he turns and gives a big smile and then continues the behavior.  (One particular issue we’ve been having is that Tristan loves to drop toys, especially balls, off the second floor landing to the garage area below – this has resulted in his loss of approximately 50 small plastic balls which come with an inflatable slide that he’s somehow conditioned to immediately deposit off the side of our railing if he sees one.)  A somewhat low-key removal of the offending object(s) helps communicate the “NO.. I MEAN it” that mere words aren’t managing to convey.

Since his knowledge of the word “no” has increased, he also uses the phrase “Oh, no!”  He uses it very properly, too, such as when he crashes a tower of blocks.  He’s also started using “uh-oh!” in situations where he’d normally think to ask for help, forget how to do so, and immediately start screaming.  I REALLY like the word “uh-oh” in Tristan’s vocabulary.

Tristan is beginning to ask me to sing about his Punty Paws by saying “Puh” in this really soft and cute voice.  I can’t resist that little “puh” so I end up singing quite a lot these days.  He will also say “whoooooooo” to prompt me!

Tristan has learned the word “flush” and knows to say “mommy” to request for me to flush the toilet.  However, he’s still REALLY scared of sitting on the toilet and won’t have it unless the insert thingie is present – and THAT will really suck if he learns to use a toilet but only with a very unportable plastic ring present.  He also was able to identify “mommy’s hair” and say it together without being prompted.  (He’s REALLY had a thing for my hair lately, to the point where he actually frolics ON my body in order to roll around in my hair, and he still can be prompted to request for me to take it down from a ponytail.)

I still need to compile a currentish reading list, but suffice to say that any word that Tristan understands and uses/says somewhat clearly is a word he can read.  I think he is very helped by the visual representation of language.  I don’t blame him – I’m the same way.

I am sure there is plenty more, but as this entry has taken three days to write, I will figure it out later!

Seriously, Tristan has gotten a LOT easier to deal with this past month or so. Sleeping is evening out a bit (napping again, though), he requires far less supervision to make sure he’s not doing completely dumb shit that is incompatible with life, he plays well with other children and often stays in the proper play area, and he occupies himself at home.

His damn molars are almost finished coming in, so for the most part his demeanor has been more pleasant. When it’s not or he has tantrums about stupid things (not getting his way) we know he’s achy and know how to comfort him. I know a lot of people are anti-Tylenol, but with a proper dose of it after a cranky period, he’s the model child.

He is able to say “no” but is reluctant to actually do so. He has a toy that says “Oh, no!” and he imitates that. It’s really cute. He often says it when crashing the stacking boxes or blocks that are stacked up.

He really prefers juice (which is 50% juice/water) over milk these days. This isn’t really a problem; I’m just surprised considering how much he craved his milk for the first two years. We’re working on both introducing plain water to his drinking repertoire and using straws to deliver drink instead of sippy cups. He can be trusted to independently consume a carton of milk with a straw without making a mess, but by the time he gets close to the bottom he pushes the straw in. I carry an “emergency straw” to deal with this, because the damn straw is pretty close to irretrievable. As far as requesting drinks, we still have to lead him through the process, although if he really wants a drink he will open the refrigerator or try to remove a sippy cup from the rack. He says “e” for juice and a phonetic “k” sound for milk, but he rarely uses that one.

Tristan has gotten the hang of the proper sequence of the alphabet and of counting from at least 1 to 10. He recites the alphabet in order, minus or substituting the letters he doesn’t say properly (which are g, j, r, and w.. which he says (respectively) e, a, uh, and ub when he says them). When he sings the ABC song, he usually leaves out most of the letters if he tries to stay on tune and usually speaks the letters if he tries to get the letters right. The last sentence – “Now I know my ABCs, next time won’t you sing with me” – he sings as “Hmm hmm hmm hmm ABC, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmmm ME!” As far as counting, he isn’t saying most of the numbers properly yet – so far he says 1 poorly, 2 well, 3 as “e”, 4 poorly, 5 kind of well, 6 poorly, 7 poorly, 8 VERY well, 9 poorly, and 10 as “en.” He will count stairs when he climbs them as well as toys in general, and he focuses on numbers a lot with his toys and when he sees them in life.

Tristan’s reading list is as follows: baby, eyes, kick, hi, mommy, daddy, hat, cat, happy, go, me, shoe, yes, no, flower (pronunciation is improving), circle (still pronounced as “ga”), cow.. we have this feeling as if we’re forgetting some, though.

He’s put on his shoes a few times lately and has taken off his pants, as well as learning to pull them up and down. His fork/spoon usage are improving slowly – he kind of gets that he needs to not turn them over before they get to his mouth, and he’s removing food from them very well.

We’ve been going to different playgroups lately; instead of just the traditional one at the old apartment complex, we’re attending one at a local mall as well that has the same meeting time. I like the one at the mall because it’s public (won’t be locked out), the kids are closer to Tristan’s age, there’s no need to go outdoors for the last half hour, and there’s no need to bring toys. I still like going to the one at North Park because we still know people there and still meet people there very often. I feel like we’ve been partially responsible for keeping that playgroup going at times. Either way, Tristan’s OK with whichever activity I drag him to, or he doesn’t express any sort of preference (or misery/extreme happiness).

Tristan’s scheduled to begin speech therapy and occupational therapy soon. No idea how that’s going to work, but I suppose we’ll need luck.

He’s very attached to me lately. This isn’t to the exclusion of his dad; he’s perfectly comfortable with James. However, Tristan has been climbing on my head to get at my hair which resembles sucking my brains out. More adorably, he likes to snuggle a lot and has been falling asleep on me every day for his nap. Yes, he began taking naps as soon as we thought they were phased out – they were starting close to 5pm and have been creeping back to 4:30ish. I’m happy to see him taking naps again, as it gives me a chance to get some work done (and take a break). But his attachment has been really cute, especially how he wants to be kissed all over his face.

I’m sure there’s more, but I either post this now or get distracted twelve more times and forget to post at all. 🙂

We’ve been working with Tristan on who “me” – that is, himself – is lately. At this point, we’re not going much past repeating it, reading it, and trying to identify himself in the mirror and in photographs. He’s starting to get that “you” is a totally different concept than the letter U, but I’m not sure to what extent.

I’ve been showing him pictures of himself and asking him, “Who is this?” The question prompts his attention – yay! He looks at the picture and says, “baby!” if it’s him. However, he also says “baby” for other babies, so I’m not sure if he knows HE is the baby in most of them. He doesn’t yet say his name, though from time to time he sort of whispers something that could possibly sound like “Tristan” when his name is spoken. (I hope he doesn’t turn out to dislike his name, but I will understand if he does.) He also says “baby!” when asked about his own image in the mirror, but doesn’t yet identify (or classify) other people.

I’m also trying to get him to identify me in pictures. He will say the word “mommy” when it’s presented in print to him, but he does not call or label me as “mommy” in person or in pictures. Same for “daddy” although Tristan does occasionally say something that sounds like “daddy?” around the time his dad is supposed to get home from work.

Since he’s interested in the exercises of reading, looking at pictures, and looking at himself in the mirror, I expect he will start to learn this one pretty soon. So long as he stays interested, of course.

* Tristan’s reading list: baby, eyes, kick, hi, mommy, daddy, hat, cat, happy, go, me, shoe, yes. Possibly also read are stop and no, but we’re not sure when he says those words.

* We’ve been having him say the word “yes” in order to gain access to some foods he wants. He won’t say it if he doesn’t mean it, but it does require a lot of prompting to get him to say it at all. It’s really cute, though. And we learned he could read it soon after we got him to say it.

* We had a very low-key Thanksgiving with just us and some KFC and home/microwave-cooked goodies. It came out very well, except that I forgot about the cranberry sauce because I don’t eat that crap, and I didn’t make enough gravy. Tristan mostly had chicken rice instead of any of the Thanksgiving goodies, although I slipped some chicken into the rice.

* Within this week, for the very first time, I was able to tell him verbally only (no gestures) to go get his shoes.. and he did! He’s also starting to seek and retrieve toys that went flying in the wrong direction or out of bounds.

* Tristan can descend stairs without holding on to either side and with no help. He’s been able to ascend them for a while. It makes going anywhere with him a WHOLE BOATLOAD easier, as I can either send him ahead or have him catch up instead of having to hold him and block him in. I don’t trust him alone with a full set of stairs but he’s proven himself with the set of 5 that he’s flown down twice about a year ago.

* Tristan can correctly identify cats but insists on calling Samurai a cat as well. If you say, “No, that’s a dog!” he just says, “Cat!” I think he knows but is aware that it’s funny when he mislabels the dog.

* Tristan is largely cooperative when we ask him to walk along with us while holding his hand. He does get restless quickly if there’s no action (you make him stand still and wait, for instance).

* We’ve been having many, many playgroups these past few weeks. Since his preschool stint ended, we’ve been having peers (of his and mine) over here during some of the sessions. At this point, it’s pretty neat because we can include our friends in Tristan’s world. We’ve been seeing a lot of his friends Ethan, Evan, Allyssa, and Bryan (and their moms Karissa, Danya, and Helena). Every playdate has been wonderful so far; although they’re still work for those of us who aren’t naturally social, they pass the time rapidly and with much enjoyment. The kids play together very well minus Tristan’s frequent lack of interest (rectified by engaging in his preferred activities) and the typical kids’ sharing drama (which even Tristan engages in from time to time).

* His singing of the ABC song is starting to include actual letters in sequence. He gets to the “LMNOP” part and falters. I’m sure this will improve over the next day or two.

* I’m sure I’ve forgotten much more, but that’s what writing future entries is for!

* We discovered recently that Tristan really enjoys the Wii Fit. He’s giggling hysterically and counting down “3, 2, 1” as his dad plays right now. I think we’ll have to create him a profile and try to convince him to play!

* Tristan’s vocabulary is far more versatile now. He can fill in the “go” if I say “time to…” and “ready, set…” Thus, he will follow directions to the best of his ability when they are simple and involve “going” in some fashion. He’s been repeating a lot of what other people say.. no swear words yet, though, but I bet that will change if he continues to watch playing of the Wii Fit. His words for milk and juice are starting to come out recognizably and he’s making a lot of the choice in beverage these past few days (something we’ve been trying to teach him for ages!!).

* He reads the following words out loud: baby, eyes, kick, go, me, mommy, daddy, hat, cat, happy, and possibly stop but he says stop kind of missing a couple of consonants so hard to be sure. I feel like I don’t have them all, either. 🙂

* He put his shoes (Crocs) on BY HIMSELF for the first time TODAY!! And we just noticed that he must’ve taken them off himself, as well, since he’s not wearing them.

* His singing is starting to include the “words.” His rendition of “Twinkle, Twinkle” is highly jargonful, but his “ABC” song includes some actual letters. He also will fill in “two” and “shoe” in “This Old Man.” Oh, he knows the word “shoe” contextually as of yesterday, as well! That one violates simple phonics rules so let’s hope he knows his reading words by memory. 😉

* He’s becoming so much more independent. He was able to climb out of the car today when unbuckled from his seat, and we can trust him on stairs for the most part. We can definitely trust him around stairs – specifically, he respects the boundary when we leave the baby gate over the stairs open.

* Mostly, Tristan is a complete ninja and becoming cuter and cuter as his personality is definitely like the rest of us here – a complete wiseass. 🙂