We had the evaluation today.

The doctor spent a very short time with Tristan. The doctor pronounced that this is probably autism, and went on to say a “better than even” chance. The doctor said that Tristan probably will have a good life; grow up, have a job, have a family. The doctor said that he can learn to make sense of society but that this child really does think differently from the norm and has his own agenda.

We went to the KaiserPlex just like any other doctor appointment. Parking was horrible and we were lucky to get a spot by the rear of the building. We went in and Tristan had VERY high energy – it took me to chase after him while James signed him in for the appointment. Maybe five minutes later we were ushered in and put in an exam room, where Tristan started trying to flip out over being confined and measured. About twenty minutes later, the doctor doing the evaluation called us in.

We were led into a slightly larger office type room with toys. We got Tristan to work playing while Dr. Cohen reviewed Tristan’s file, and then he joined us all. The doctor spent a very short time playing with Tristan, trying to elicit responses to different toys and stimuli. No more than five minutes of such play must have passed. Then there was all of the talk.

Dr. Cohen came right out and said that although he’ll send out his report to us and refer us further, that Tristan’s probably autistic. He made it sound like another flavor of human, a flavor we’re quite accustomed to around here. He spoke hopefully of Tristan’s future. Once he pronounced the words, I was fairly stunned even though most of me was expecting them.

So, where things stand now is that we’re waiting for yet another phone call and appointment to be scheduled. This one’s going to be the half-day evaluation that will provide him with an official diagnosis or not.

What confounds me is that there’s all of this evidence that the brains of people with autism are different from the average brain. Why is all of this subjective bullshit required to tell for sure, then?

I’ve worked out all of the tears and “OMG why mes” but there’ll be a LONG way to go before everything’s OK. Even if he does not turn up autistic, he is significantly delayed in important sensory and social ways and will require special assistance with understanding the world and the people in it.

This is all that I have the clarity to write right now. Please understand..